And the clocks twirl their hands nervously

I have a stack of copies made for my next class, and a few moments to self-medicate with some more coffee.

The good news is that  I am passing student teaching. I had a follow-up observation and final evaluation yesterday. I managed to pull things together. I still need to turn in the rest of my unit documents…. which is going to be tricky, since it involves borrowing a car or finding a 2-hr. block in the school day to take the stupid bus to her house.

Regardless, I will be presenting my final portfolio on Monday. I will be teaching full time next week (all six classes). And then I am done.

I am exhausted.  My eyes are starting to constantly feel like huge craters in my skull. Last two nights I only got any sleep because I fell asleep on Wes’ couch while working on papers and lesson plans, and my night-owl boyfriend woke me up in the early hours of the morning so I could go to school. If he hadn’t, I probably would still be there right now, passed out with my face on the keyboard

I have never worked this hard in my life. My days are so blurred together. I keep forgetting things like eating, forming basic sentences, returning phone calls.

I think I always assumed that Herculaneum effort could really prevail… that people only give up for lack of motivation or real desire to do something. I thought that really if you tried hard enough, you could do pretty much anything. It’s why I don’t take days off when I’m sick, and why I always try to work idiotic schedules. The last few weeks have proved to me that you do indeed reach a point where you do fail for lack of physical ability, not for lack of motivation. You can’t pull three all-nighters in a row, teaching all day and working all night, without passing out somewhere, or without becoming totally unintelligible.

I’m still happy, and this is still what I want to be doing.

But holy crap, I just want to sleep.


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