Oh, snow. You are so pretty, but I am already tired of you.

good intentions

I am up (even more) late because I stayed up (a little) late drinking coffee, because I was finishing up my quarter grades, because I wasted nearly two hours on my commute, because Michigan sucks at having weather, and also because I stayed late tutoring and talking to parents.

This has been the first week with my new batch of students. I have been working very hard on getting things started right. I feel like I have been working very hard at everything, with marginal successes. Trying to wake up early enough to make a pot of real coffee. Trying to make lists and grocery shop, not just eating miscellaneous breakfast foods while standing at the kitchen counter, or while driving. Trying to sleep enough. Trying to take time to gain perspective (this is usually when the sleep comes in.)

So much to think about but now I’m nothing but coffee stomach and thought fragments.

I’m afraid to even say it, but I heard from Fulbright. They have recommended me for a position in Spain, which means… well, it could mean nothing, or it could mean I will be in Spain next year. No idea yet. I have been indulging in some premature anxieties.

For grad school I have been reviewing audio tapes of myself teaching. That’s a little terrifying.

I am so tired of driving. I kind of wish I could set set fire to my car and never drive again. Mostly I want Spring.

I (still) love my job, which I suppose is good since I feel like I have disappeared into it. I feel starved for long, rambling grown up conversations about emotions/philosophy/current events/the unscripted in-betweens, but I spend any eloquence on simplified syntax for small ears. When the opportunities arrive I am too exhausted, and I don’t have any words left.

I’ve been having apocalyptic dreams. The week started with cities burning in my head. I was paddling a water-logged canoe away from the ruins when I woke up Monday morning.

I guess in contrast my week has been pretty darn good.

2 Responses to Slush

  1. Wendy Kennedy says:

    You know, it must be in the air, because everyone here had a rough, draining emotional reaction to this week, too. And I HEAR YOU about wanting to burn the car, and wanting long, rambling adult conversations, especially of the “unscripted in-betweens” variety. May I gently suggest that you carve out a Sabbath rest somewhere in your weekends away from work? Even if it’s during a long soak in a hot tub….. do it. Let God refresh you!

  2. Anna says:

    Word to your mother’s “Take a Sabbath break.” I kind of envy your insane used up feeling. Is that weird?

    If you turn into a teacher that CAN’T have an adult conversation and wears puffy paint sweaters and just tells people what to do all the time because she only knows how to interact with children- then I will sponsor and intervention.

    Look at this cool photo.

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